Why I Changed Blogs

I bought a keychain a couple of years back. One of those with the date of your birth on it, that kind.

The kind that serve to tell you what typical traits are associated with your zodiac sign, or interesting events that happened on the day of your birth. Of the traits that were listed on the keychain, i agree with one of them- i am a totally nostalgic person.

I cant find that keychain any more.

The idea of a blog popped into my head years back during my junior college years. Back then, i saw it as an interesting way to convey my thoughts in public, for a public avenue where my thoughts could be read by a minimal audience. The human being is no solitary creature- we crave for attention much much more than we would admit. And so, i started happily on a blog, and ranted away. Apparently i might have said the wrong thing one too many times, because somehow after reading my blog, an old friend of mine has never looked at me the same way again. Which is sad, really, because we place so much face value on things that we do not understand.

Take for instance, that you read someone's posts on his blog. Sure, it might give you an insight into what goes on in that person's life, but then again, to base an opinion totally on what you read on a person's blog is an unfair and biased method of judgement. You read only what the author posts- everything you read has been crafted by the author: how can you be sure that what you are reading is the truth? Through the course of examining screen texts like Zhang Yimou's Hero and Kurosawa's Rashomon, i have learnt about the unreliability of narration. In a way a blog mirrors the themes brought out in these films. By reading the posts one puts up, it is inevitable that you will base your opinions of the writer on what he/she is writing. In other words, you will subconsciously link author and post together. Once such a link is established, it is therefore difficult to detract from that impression, and what you read will be what forms your opinion of that person. Therefore, if, by reading this blog, you think that you understand me, that is far far away from the truth.

Back to the topic of blogs- the second blog i set up was an attempt at pretty much the same purpose, except i began to experiment with creativity. It can be said that blogging kick started my creative juices and ignited in me a fire for creative expression, in the form of short prose and poetry. I would carve out simple love poems at first, spewing out sappy haiku after cliched sappy poetry. It is only in recent years that i have begun to experiment with different styles of writing, by using markedly dissimilar techniques in my poetry and prose. It is this aspect of creativity that i have to thank Blogger for. All this was not to last, though, when disaster struck.

I have had two relationships end on sour notes, and i must say the experience has left me shaken. Both did not end on an amicable note, and perhaps one day i will blog about them. It was the end of the second, and my latest relationship, that made me create a new blog, to symbolise a new start to a new life. Indeed, in that relationship, and its subsequent failure, i have learnt much that even now, i apply to my life. I have never forgiven my ex-girlfriend, and this grudge is something i have sworn to carry with me for the rest of my life. Like shock treatment, this painful memory is something i choose to carry to serve as a deterrent, as a warning to me. I can say that, as far as treating members of the opposite sex is concerned, i have generally been civil and i treat women with the utmost respect. But this ex girlfriend is beyond respect. She is the only female whom i have ever insulted directly, with genuine vehemence and spite. She has had the fortune of enduring a verbal barrage from me, and considering the person i once was, that must have been an unpleasant experience. I do not what to repeat the experience, and i hope i never will.

I am digressing again!

The latest change of my blog, occurred when i left for Perth. Back then i saw my blog as a window by which my family back home in Singapore could have into my life, because, i blog much more than i send out e mails or call home. I cannot exactly call it an exploitation or misuse, but perhaps it was due to my own failure at foresight that drove me to create a new blog. I was visibly shocked when i was told by a member of my family to censor my posts as there were many of my cousins who read my blog back then. Call it fate, but at the very same time that this censorship request was made, i so happened to visit a Buddhist temple here in Perth. Call it fate that my eyes chanced upon a booklet on Karma in the temple. I took it back and read it, and i came the the realisation that many of my actions had dire consequences. It was after that that i made a silent oath to change, to drop the profanities. As sure as a leopard cannot change his spots, i found doing it difficult, and in all honesty i am still struggling to keep this side of my personality inside. As such i stopped using profanities when blogging, and i have tried as far as i can to limit the use of verbal abuse.

Of course, it was not censorship that made me uncomfortable, but the fact that my blog address had spread to so many of my cousins that the idea itself was rather ridiculous. A "mickey mouse club", i told one of my friends, deadpanning. Which comes in conflict with the very idea of a blog, that it should be something public, and for most to see. Still, a part of me feels that these individuals are not ready to accept my blog on a level that is befitting of a mature individual.

Maturity is something that comes as a term that, in a conversational context, contains very self-centered and presumptuous connotations. Comments on maturity, in conversations, usually elicit contempt and cynicism towards the person who makes the comment.

An example from a spoken conversation:

Mr A: " Boy he sure is childish for playing with that yo-yo!"
Mr B: " So, do you think that you are very mature?"

Of course, a counter argument, which is probably something that might have crossed you mind if you are reading this post, is this- what makes me so sure that i am mature enough to make such a judgement? That certain individuals are not mature enough to read this blog?

The answer is simple. Common knowledge.

These kid cousins i refer to are much younger than i am. At the very least, four years. This means that i have at least four years ahead of most of these kids, and this counts for a lot. I have seen things and experienced things that none of these children can comprehend or understand. Think of it as a comparison between two individuals- a child at birth, and a four year old. These two individuals are at different stages of development as human beings, and as such there is a marked difference in the intellect and experience of both individuals. Therefore i liken to use the same rationality to me and my kid cousins. It is the same. I don't assume that i know more and i have experienced more- it is a FACT to me, it is KNOWN to me.

But this wont last for long. I guess these kids will, eventually, catch up with me as far as maturity is concerned. But for now, to me they are still infants, and are unable to deal with the things i bring up here on my blog with adequate respect that is befitting a reader. This is the reason why i changed the blog address- blogger does not have a password function to add to their blogs. So i had no choice but to change a new blog.

But i am thankful for it. Life is beautiful in the sense that it is like a two sided coin. We spend much of our lives betting on heads, but fail to reach the understanding that without the presence of the tail side of the coin, there would be no coin at all. In other words, it is the very experience of failure and the setbacks in life that make it worth living, because it is through these that make us stronger.