Inspiration has been running dry recently. Inspiration has been running dry, and i seem to be favouring more of descriptive work rather than poetry. Changing tastes?
And the real problem i seem to have with myself is that i "tzer buay tiao". I cannot sit down and pen a complete piece of work in its entirety. It is part of the reason why i express myself using poetry- i am essentially lazy to write a whole piece. I have an inability to look beyond describing an event or two to craft a complete piece of writing. And this is a major problem. It seems that my laziness transcends more than just physical laziness. Mental laziness is a big problem. I need to cut with the catnaps and game breaks.
I just started watching Full Metal Alchemist yesterday. A series that has been ongoing for almost eternity and completed, but i have only just begun to watch. Just two single episodes and i am hooked. Having caught snippets here and there from my brother's viewing of the series back home, i was surprised that the narrative of the series uses a different approach from the typical direct narrative. It inserts us into the middle of the action, before relating to us the protagonists' origins and past. There are also very interesting themes brought out in the anime. The conflict between religion and science, for example, is a theme that is featured strongly in the series. The questions and taboos of playing god are brought out as well as issues of faith vs reality. Very interesting indeed.
A conversation with a friend some time ago made me realise some things. I have been living too much with the notions of going back home and missing Singaporean food, and other concerns that i am missing out on something. The reality of the present. And i guess it is very true. While we should always have goals and aims for ourselves, we should never never neglect the reality that is right in front of our eyes. We should never take for granted what what we have, at any given moment in time. That is why i will not stop whining about missing home and live in the present. To enjoy what it is that there is here and to make to most out of the experience. Ultimately i know i will have to go home- that is where i belong with friends, family (and of course food). But to deny the existence of the present will be to deny everything that has led to this moment.
But i am still not going to do a bungee jump!
Monday 30 April 2007
Friday 27 April 2007
Local students lose out when places go to foreigners in our varsities
Wrote in two days ago to the ST Forum, and my letter was published today in the online forum.
The link has expired, so here it is.
This article can probably be considered a censored follow up to the previous blog post.
The link has expired, so here it is.
This article can probably be considered a censored follow up to the previous blog post.
Wednesday 25 April 2007
Too much emphasis placed on the value of foreign talents
Bravo! Another one stands up and expresses a sentiment that is just so prevalent in Singapore!
I refer to the letter written in by Ms Lin Jun Mei to the Forum.
More than three-quarters of my classmates are non-Singaporeans. I enjoy the diversity and interaction. However, this set me thinking why there are not more Singapore students as this is an institution in Singapore. Do we not measure up to the foreign students in getting a place in the institution?
I have not had the fortune of studying in a local university. But what i gather from my friends in some faculties in local universities is that the percentage of overseas students are way higher than that of local ones. By all means, these foreign students invariably do well because they are, obviously, scholars. Better than most of the locals, it seems. And this poses, in itself, to be a problem. Here you have local students struggling to keep up because the scholars and foreign students raise academic standards up to impossibly realistic levels. Of course, such competitiveness is good, but it is an unrealistic competitiveness.
I refer to the Minister Mentor's comments about rewarding those who stay in Singapore and those who contribute to the economy. Personally, i do not see how accepting so many foreign talents will contribute to this. They might do well undoubtedly, but the question is considering the long term implications of this situation. Will these scholars contribute to the Singapore's economy in the long run? Or will they end up going home to their home countries after finishing their contracts? Faced with such a situation, it is very possible that local students themselves might find themselves stricken with a stigma that these foreign talents are held in higher regard than themselves. Why should these locals be blamed, then, for desires of migration? After all, it is only human to seek greener pastures. Their dissolution with the education system is justified!
This issue has a far wider implication. As literacy levels rise, and the percentage of university graduates increase, the number of students qualifying for university will definitely increase. Are locals to be denied the chance because of this?
Where i am right now, is in a hostel with 60% or more Singaporeans. This goes to show how it is. There must be a reason why so many Singaporeans choose to come overseas. Labeling such people as quitters and people that 'cannot make it' is hardly fair.
More places should be opened in local universities for locals. I do not see any negative implications of doing this. Furthermore, more flexible criteria should be implemented to also give more student from polytechnics a chance. They, are after all, more versed in the practical aspect of certain fields, and certainly this is just as important as academics when it comes to entering the workforce.
This really shows the meritocracy effect of our society. I hope that the resource pool can be widened so that not only the best from Singapore and other countries but also the supposedly 'average' Singaporean has a little help in fulfilling their true potential.
I refer to the letter written in by Ms Lin Jun Mei to the Forum.
More than three-quarters of my classmates are non-Singaporeans. I enjoy the diversity and interaction. However, this set me thinking why there are not more Singapore students as this is an institution in Singapore. Do we not measure up to the foreign students in getting a place in the institution?
I have not had the fortune of studying in a local university. But what i gather from my friends in some faculties in local universities is that the percentage of overseas students are way higher than that of local ones. By all means, these foreign students invariably do well because they are, obviously, scholars. Better than most of the locals, it seems. And this poses, in itself, to be a problem. Here you have local students struggling to keep up because the scholars and foreign students raise academic standards up to impossibly realistic levels. Of course, such competitiveness is good, but it is an unrealistic competitiveness.
I refer to the Minister Mentor's comments about rewarding those who stay in Singapore and those who contribute to the economy. Personally, i do not see how accepting so many foreign talents will contribute to this. They might do well undoubtedly, but the question is considering the long term implications of this situation. Will these scholars contribute to the Singapore's economy in the long run? Or will they end up going home to their home countries after finishing their contracts? Faced with such a situation, it is very possible that local students themselves might find themselves stricken with a stigma that these foreign talents are held in higher regard than themselves. Why should these locals be blamed, then, for desires of migration? After all, it is only human to seek greener pastures. Their dissolution with the education system is justified!
This issue has a far wider implication. As literacy levels rise, and the percentage of university graduates increase, the number of students qualifying for university will definitely increase. Are locals to be denied the chance because of this?
Where i am right now, is in a hostel with 60% or more Singaporeans. This goes to show how it is. There must be a reason why so many Singaporeans choose to come overseas. Labeling such people as quitters and people that 'cannot make it' is hardly fair.
More places should be opened in local universities for locals. I do not see any negative implications of doing this. Furthermore, more flexible criteria should be implemented to also give more student from polytechnics a chance. They, are after all, more versed in the practical aspect of certain fields, and certainly this is just as important as academics when it comes to entering the workforce.
This really shows the meritocracy effect of our society. I hope that the resource pool can be widened so that not only the best from Singapore and other countries but also the supposedly 'average' Singaporean has a little help in fulfilling their true potential.
Singaporean Eateries
An interesting article! As far as food is concerned i am certain that it is a trait that is common to most, if not all Singaporeans. Invariably, conversations with friends over meals divert themselves to the subject of food back home in Singapore. Passionate would be an understatement. Singaporeans are FANATICAL about food! Which is a really nice thing, it is one of the true aspects that truly define who we are as a people. The top ten list of best eateries in the world, taken from the Straits Times, are as follows:
I know of Tetsuya's! It is an eatery in Sydney, Australia, where the food is so good that you have to book three months in advance! If i remember clearly, from the trip i made there with my family three years ago.
Personally, as far as the best food in Singapore goes, a difference in tastebuds and tastes, as well as the factor of 'acquired taste' makes a consensus difficult. But there is one aspect of food that everyone will probably agree on. That some of the best recipes and best dishes, come not from the hawker centres and food courts, but from one's family! No one can cook chicken curry as good as my grandmother. Right Stephen?
World's top 10
1. El Bulli, Spain
2. The Fat Duck, Britain
3. Pierre Gagnaire, France
4. The French Laundry, US
5. Tetsuya's, Australia
6. Bras, France
7. Mugaritz, Spain
8. Le Louis XV, Monaco
9. Per Se, US
10. Arzak, Spain
I know of Tetsuya's! It is an eatery in Sydney, Australia, where the food is so good that you have to book three months in advance! If i remember clearly, from the trip i made there with my family three years ago.
Personally, as far as the best food in Singapore goes, a difference in tastebuds and tastes, as well as the factor of 'acquired taste' makes a consensus difficult. But there is one aspect of food that everyone will probably agree on. That some of the best recipes and best dishes, come not from the hawker centres and food courts, but from one's family! No one can cook chicken curry as good as my grandmother. Right Stephen?
Embracing life
Stoning at the computer now, trying to formulate questions for one of my mum's comprehension passages. I flipped a couple of links and ended up reading some blogs.
One of the blogs i read interested me particularly. Perhaps its was the layout, or the content, or a mix of both, that some how kicked off something in me. There was so much life, so much vitality in the posts and content that i could not help but look back inside, at the person inside me and look at everything that has been happening these few weeks. There is so much out there, so much to experience!
Maybe i have been thinking too seriously.
One of the blogs i read interested me particularly. Perhaps its was the layout, or the content, or a mix of both, that some how kicked off something in me. There was so much life, so much vitality in the posts and content that i could not help but look back inside, at the person inside me and look at everything that has been happening these few weeks. There is so much out there, so much to experience!
Maybe i have been thinking too seriously.
Monday 23 April 2007
What it Means to be A Singaporean Chinese
Challenging topic.
1- Knowing how to converse appropriately in my mother tongue, and write in it as well. Strange that some people struggle with it. For all the western values injected into our brains, the fact remains that we are Chinese by blood. To deny one's heritage is akin to denying yourself of your self-identity. Look at your surname. It defines who you are. Nothing can change that. Even if you do, manage to have it changed, where you come from cannot be forgotten.
2-Knowing how to converse in dialect orally. I personally find it a shame that i am not as fluent as i would like to be in my dialect. It is something disturbing that is undergoing a dilution in our society today. Generation after generation, as more english speaking families spring up, the fluency of singaporeans in dialect has been dwindling. It does not help that some of the younger generation find some dialects crude and offensive, used only for cursing. If you cannot even understand your dialect, then you should not even acknowledge that you are of that dialect group. It brings your dialect to shame. A frightening trend that is looming, is the possibility of this effect of dwindling , happen also to chinese.
3-Know traditional customs. "I wont clean graves at Qing Ming cos i dont hold joss sticks" is the biggest load of bull shit i have ever heard. You can still clean the graves without offending ur religious beliefs. Religion and custom should be divided along a clear line. Respect and religion are two different things. If you wont clean graves, if you wont pay respects to ancestors, then dont even accept those ang paos and have reunion dinners. Every aspect of our customs are vital to our identity and it should be preserved, to stem the tide of changing mindsets.
1- Knowing how to converse appropriately in my mother tongue, and write in it as well. Strange that some people struggle with it. For all the western values injected into our brains, the fact remains that we are Chinese by blood. To deny one's heritage is akin to denying yourself of your self-identity. Look at your surname. It defines who you are. Nothing can change that. Even if you do, manage to have it changed, where you come from cannot be forgotten.
2-Knowing how to converse in dialect orally. I personally find it a shame that i am not as fluent as i would like to be in my dialect. It is something disturbing that is undergoing a dilution in our society today. Generation after generation, as more english speaking families spring up, the fluency of singaporeans in dialect has been dwindling. It does not help that some of the younger generation find some dialects crude and offensive, used only for cursing. If you cannot even understand your dialect, then you should not even acknowledge that you are of that dialect group. It brings your dialect to shame. A frightening trend that is looming, is the possibility of this effect of dwindling , happen also to chinese.
3-Know traditional customs. "I wont clean graves at Qing Ming cos i dont hold joss sticks" is the biggest load of bull shit i have ever heard. You can still clean the graves without offending ur religious beliefs. Religion and custom should be divided along a clear line. Respect and religion are two different things. If you wont clean graves, if you wont pay respects to ancestors, then dont even accept those ang paos and have reunion dinners. Every aspect of our customs are vital to our identity and it should be preserved, to stem the tide of changing mindsets.
Sunday 22 April 2007
Missing Home
I think the song that summarises my feelings at this point would inarguably be Home by Buble. Its lyrics are just so simple and yet ring with a message that shoots itself straight to my heart and really makes me feel the lyrics just pour into, and fill me.
It does not help that i have access to the Straits Times from where i am now. Reading about the local news back home only creates an invisible barrier between life back home and the life i am having here. After talking to an old friend in the dining hall i shocked myself by admitting that i have had twenty one meals in Currie Hall for the past week. I feel, in some ways, trapped and isolated from the world within this seemingly utopian microcosm of familiarity and closeness. It is a vague closeness, as i do not really feel any kinship or longstanding relations with anything here. Strange, that i should muse about this.
The man speaks of some issues which i find particularly interesting. The first, is his justification of the recent ministers' pay hikes. Indeed, it may be justified as an attempt to stem corruption. Indeed it might be justified that it is for the purpose of rewarding those who have stayed behind and toiled for the country. But the basis for this is questionable. The very purpose of government is to lend a listening ear for the people. A body of government is one that represents the people. By focusing on rewarding those in power by way of monetary incentive, the focus has drifted away from the collective good, to detract into the support of a socially and economically formidable upper class. The emphasis has already drifted away from the necessity of government! By focusing on a singular group of individuals, a distinction has been created that justifies the use of an action such as a pay increment. If a reward has to be credited, then it should be something that is uniformly distributed among all members of the ruling class, right down to the tiniest administrative assistant in the public service.
As far as migration and going overseas is concerned, inevitably, the choice ultimately rests with the individual, whether to stay or to 'quit'. As a singaporean studying overseas i have seen many students here. There are some who are scholars, individuals who have achieved academic excellence and are here to pursue a different approach to education than that back home. At the other end of the spectrum are individuals such as myself, those who have been rejected by the system back home to find an alternative here. I personally applied for three years, and appealed at least one every year, (two times last year) and painstakingly spent hours crafting letters and even hand delivered my documents to the various Deans so that my applications may be further looked at. Thrice i applied, thrice i was denied. Such an experience has dulled my expectations and made me reflect on the realism of the system. Why live in a delusion? Accept the alternative. And this trend will continue to carry on, for generations to come.
Ultimately, with rising trends in education, there will inevitably be an increment in the number of degree holders in singapore. This is illustrated by the supposed dubbing of SIM as a 'fourth university'. The dragon batch of children will create an unprecedented surge in university intake. I am confident that most local universities will not be able to accept plenty of students into their hallowed grounds by virtue of their academics. A sad but realistic truth. This will make more students turn to an overseas education as an alternative. In some people's words, these are those that 'cannot make it back home'. Say what you like, but the fact remains that the system is killing itself. Unhealthy competitiveness, coupled with the dubious admission policies of local universities, create a bubbling pot of seething unhapiness that is manifested in the eyes of those who 'cannot make it'. The end product is that of a powerfully ordained and highly educated elite. Of which many harbor intentions to actually migrate. Thus the situation loops back in itself in a neverending cycle like an ouroboros.
The second comment made by the man as rather interesting. It revolved around the notions of being more pragmatic and accepting things such as censorship and homosexuality in singaporean society. I cannot agree with his words any more. These comments resound with some letters i read a few days ago in the Forum, about certain issues. On the 17th, a certain Ms Rahman wrote in to the Forum to comment on the unsuitability of a certain programme being aired on Channel 8. A HK show called Nude Fear, it seemingly contained elements that were demeaning and blatantly misogynistic. A show screened at 1 am.
What then, defines a programme as inappropriate? If we were to look at every show from our own personal point of view, it is justified to say that we can take offense at practically everything. Who is she to comment that this show is lacking in quality? With such simplistic and shallow minded views, it is no wonder that MM brings up issues like gradual pragmatism. There are still a great many individuals out there who adopt very traditional and straitlaced mindsets as far as such issues go. Is it not sufficient for a film to be censored? Is it not enough for a film to be shown at a late night timeslot? Such narrow minded thoughts reflect a failure. Failure for this woman to actually realise that there are individuals out there who might, quite possibly, consider such a show as a form of entertainment. Demeaning to some, but entertaining to others. In any case, there is always the option of switching off the television. If even such shows need to be censored further, then the whole basis of censorship should be called into question. Why screen brokeback mountain in singapore when some people might take offense at it?
For an individual to make such comments, i think, undoubtedly, the big R word has something to do with it. Ah, the ever powerful influence of opinion. Tsk Tsk.
Another letter in the forum also addressed the question. What does it mean to be singaporean? I shall start a new post about it. This post is way too long.
It does not help that i have access to the Straits Times from where i am now. Reading about the local news back home only creates an invisible barrier between life back home and the life i am having here. After talking to an old friend in the dining hall i shocked myself by admitting that i have had twenty one meals in Currie Hall for the past week. I feel, in some ways, trapped and isolated from the world within this seemingly utopian microcosm of familiarity and closeness. It is a vague closeness, as i do not really feel any kinship or longstanding relations with anything here. Strange, that i should muse about this.
The man speaks of some issues which i find particularly interesting. The first, is his justification of the recent ministers' pay hikes. Indeed, it may be justified as an attempt to stem corruption. Indeed it might be justified that it is for the purpose of rewarding those who have stayed behind and toiled for the country. But the basis for this is questionable. The very purpose of government is to lend a listening ear for the people. A body of government is one that represents the people. By focusing on rewarding those in power by way of monetary incentive, the focus has drifted away from the collective good, to detract into the support of a socially and economically formidable upper class. The emphasis has already drifted away from the necessity of government! By focusing on a singular group of individuals, a distinction has been created that justifies the use of an action such as a pay increment. If a reward has to be credited, then it should be something that is uniformly distributed among all members of the ruling class, right down to the tiniest administrative assistant in the public service.
As far as migration and going overseas is concerned, inevitably, the choice ultimately rests with the individual, whether to stay or to 'quit'. As a singaporean studying overseas i have seen many students here. There are some who are scholars, individuals who have achieved academic excellence and are here to pursue a different approach to education than that back home. At the other end of the spectrum are individuals such as myself, those who have been rejected by the system back home to find an alternative here. I personally applied for three years, and appealed at least one every year, (two times last year) and painstakingly spent hours crafting letters and even hand delivered my documents to the various Deans so that my applications may be further looked at. Thrice i applied, thrice i was denied. Such an experience has dulled my expectations and made me reflect on the realism of the system. Why live in a delusion? Accept the alternative. And this trend will continue to carry on, for generations to come.
Ultimately, with rising trends in education, there will inevitably be an increment in the number of degree holders in singapore. This is illustrated by the supposed dubbing of SIM as a 'fourth university'. The dragon batch of children will create an unprecedented surge in university intake. I am confident that most local universities will not be able to accept plenty of students into their hallowed grounds by virtue of their academics. A sad but realistic truth. This will make more students turn to an overseas education as an alternative. In some people's words, these are those that 'cannot make it back home'. Say what you like, but the fact remains that the system is killing itself. Unhealthy competitiveness, coupled with the dubious admission policies of local universities, create a bubbling pot of seething unhapiness that is manifested in the eyes of those who 'cannot make it'. The end product is that of a powerfully ordained and highly educated elite. Of which many harbor intentions to actually migrate. Thus the situation loops back in itself in a neverending cycle like an ouroboros.
The second comment made by the man as rather interesting. It revolved around the notions of being more pragmatic and accepting things such as censorship and homosexuality in singaporean society. I cannot agree with his words any more. These comments resound with some letters i read a few days ago in the Forum, about certain issues. On the 17th, a certain Ms Rahman wrote in to the Forum to comment on the unsuitability of a certain programme being aired on Channel 8. A HK show called Nude Fear, it seemingly contained elements that were demeaning and blatantly misogynistic. A show screened at 1 am.
What then, defines a programme as inappropriate? If we were to look at every show from our own personal point of view, it is justified to say that we can take offense at practically everything. Who is she to comment that this show is lacking in quality? With such simplistic and shallow minded views, it is no wonder that MM brings up issues like gradual pragmatism. There are still a great many individuals out there who adopt very traditional and straitlaced mindsets as far as such issues go. Is it not sufficient for a film to be censored? Is it not enough for a film to be shown at a late night timeslot? Such narrow minded thoughts reflect a failure. Failure for this woman to actually realise that there are individuals out there who might, quite possibly, consider such a show as a form of entertainment. Demeaning to some, but entertaining to others. In any case, there is always the option of switching off the television. If even such shows need to be censored further, then the whole basis of censorship should be called into question. Why screen brokeback mountain in singapore when some people might take offense at it?
For an individual to make such comments, i think, undoubtedly, the big R word has something to do with it. Ah, the ever powerful influence of opinion. Tsk Tsk.
Another letter in the forum also addressed the question. What does it mean to be singaporean? I shall start a new post about it. This post is way too long.
Tuesday 17 April 2007
Academia and Supper
Tuesdays are always interesting days for me. It is on Tuesdays that i have a fully loaded timetable, chock filled with plenty of tutorials and lectures. As such, the passage of time in the day itself occurs very fast, with just a few breaks in between.
I received two of my assignments back today- marks for my Political Science tutorial presentation two weeks ago and my English essay. Rachel's comments on my presentation were interesting, but after looking at my marks i came under the impression that the grade was rather forced. Borderline 65%, that is neither excellent or average. I expected such a grade, considering the topic was rather broad and in a sense, not so much centered on factual, solid information, but more of the interpretation of an idea. The saving grace was my English assignment, which, despite my misgivings and fears, actually came back to me with a HD. This came as a surprise. After listening to my classmates' comments on the essay the week before, i was pretty sure that my interpretation of the essay topic was too linear, too general to actually be worth giving a decent grade to. (i even tried masking the essay with some props) Thankfully it went well.
The rest of my night was spent helping Li Shya with her work. I can see that she really needs help in interpreting her stuff and she kind of lacks the confidence to grab the bull by its horns. It was good, helping her, and in a way, i feel as though i myself have learnt something by helping. Other than, of course, subject matter.
After that we had a pizza party again. Like the few nights last week when Bruce rented the car. The luxury of munching on delicious Broadway pizza every night for supper instead of instant noodles. Pizza that beats Canadian and Pizza Hut flat down.
The stuff from singapore came yesterday. I spent the whole night trying to configure the antivirus software, but i am happy to say that all systems are now at 100 percent capacity and capability. Along with the Norton, came my Nero program and a pack of Korean Kimchi Noodles. Those things are simply the life of me. None of the brands i have tasted here come to within even a fraction of this particular brand's standard. No more lonely nights!
I received two of my assignments back today- marks for my Political Science tutorial presentation two weeks ago and my English essay. Rachel's comments on my presentation were interesting, but after looking at my marks i came under the impression that the grade was rather forced. Borderline 65%, that is neither excellent or average. I expected such a grade, considering the topic was rather broad and in a sense, not so much centered on factual, solid information, but more of the interpretation of an idea. The saving grace was my English assignment, which, despite my misgivings and fears, actually came back to me with a HD. This came as a surprise. After listening to my classmates' comments on the essay the week before, i was pretty sure that my interpretation of the essay topic was too linear, too general to actually be worth giving a decent grade to. (i even tried masking the essay with some props) Thankfully it went well.
The rest of my night was spent helping Li Shya with her work. I can see that she really needs help in interpreting her stuff and she kind of lacks the confidence to grab the bull by its horns. It was good, helping her, and in a way, i feel as though i myself have learnt something by helping. Other than, of course, subject matter.
After that we had a pizza party again. Like the few nights last week when Bruce rented the car. The luxury of munching on delicious Broadway pizza every night for supper instead of instant noodles. Pizza that beats Canadian and Pizza Hut flat down.
The stuff from singapore came yesterday. I spent the whole night trying to configure the antivirus software, but i am happy to say that all systems are now at 100 percent capacity and capability. Along with the Norton, came my Nero program and a pack of Korean Kimchi Noodles. Those things are simply the life of me. None of the brands i have tasted here come to within even a fraction of this particular brand's standard. No more lonely nights!
Monday 16 April 2007
Because I Still Havent Found What I'm Looking For
What we look for in life is so simple, that finding it is next to impossible
Someday when i read this post i will smile at myself and ponder what it is that went through my mind at the moment of this post. This is the beauty of blogging. Posting something ensures that that moment, the experience, feeling and emotion of the moment is captured forever in one single rush of electronic text and colour. Indeed, now as it is, when i look back on past posts, i cannot help but feel a cliched 'warm fuzzy feeling' inside that stems from nostalgia.
This is the reason why i am not asleep. 2 am and the rain is falling.........
But inspiration keeps me up, and here i write. Basically this music video's title sums it up pretty nicely. It's a golden oldie from U2, one of the greatest rock bands to ever walk this earth.
Then what exactly am i looking for? Could it be this?
Maybe, perhaps, but that song pretty much describes a lot about what one might look for in a soulmate. Unlike other sappy love songs, the lyrics to this track amaze me by the depths of its description.
I guess in a way, what i am looking for is so simple, that it is something that is next to impossible. (Funny thing how the words simple and impossible rhyme) To me, it is nearly impossible to find someone who i guess, can really connect to me in a level that i would like. It does not help that two of the ones who i would really like to get to know better are a million miles away from me at this moment. I have said this to a close friend so many times that i am sick of it, and i shall say it for the last time here. I do not need a girlfriend. I do not need to be in a serious relationship. All i am looking for is someone who can understand me.
In a way i consider myself a failure in certain ways. I see this failure as a failure to communicate appropriately and to connect with people at a certain level. To put it crudely, those who actually give a shit are few, so few they are like diamonds. It does not have to be actually caring, but even small things like replying messages and emails count for 'giving a shit', i suppose. I guess, if i am not even worth a person's precious few seconds to have that person reply my message or e mail, then this speaks volumes about how that person really holds me in regard. And when people need help, i am there.
Reciprocation is something that should not be expected, this is a fact of life. What i look for, however, is something that is far lesser than reciprocation. It is respect. I seriously do not think those who i give a shit about respect me in a way that i would like. Yes. That i would like. Self centered thought, but i feel that if i actually bother about something for you, respect on an equal level is the very least that i should be entitled to.
Perhaps another reason why i feel that i am unable to connect with people is perhaps due to this thing called RELIGION. In all honesty, i feel that this is no small thing. Wars are fought over this. People die over this. Ironic considering that our beliefs are supposed to be things that bring us inner peace and tranquility. In 'On Liberty', Mill speaks about the importance of opinion and the dangers of prevailing opinion. Such prevailing sentiment is dangerous and places itself at odds with the individual. My stand is this- religion is something that interferes with human rationality. Seemingly benevolent actions, through the seemingly harmless advocation of religious doctrine, constitutes a forceful drive to impose alien views on another individual. I define this as actions that influence another individual by way of the spreading of doctrine or the spreading of beliefs in an indirect manner. This is more dangerous than interfering with the individual in a direct manner, as it involves an attack or intrusion into the very workings of a person's thought processes and psyche. Thus is anything safe from this oppression? Nothing is spared. With the rise of technology, by word of mouth, and the accumulation of economic strength, religion is in a very real position to influence us in ways that are constricting. The light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps, is how certain religions advocate qualities that teach us to become, overall better people. Spreading of doctrine for reasons other than teaching people how to be better people is absolute oppression. You are appealing to the religion, not to the person as an entity. Simply put, that whatever i believe is stronger than what you already believe, and therefore whatever i believe is justified to replace what you have in your head.
In secondary school, i had to attend chapel service even though i was not a christian. But muslims were exempted. To me this is an absurdity. What i infer from this is: You do not respect my religion as much as you respect Islam. The fundamental problem with this is that i had already MADE the rational choice to come to a christian school, and following their practices was something 'any good schoolboy' should have done. It was my choice to go to that school, it was not imposed on to me.
Or should have not. I was young and knew nothing.
Let me detract for a moment. If you are a christian and you have read the paragraphs above, then i can guess what you are thinking now. Take a step back from that thought and consider the chapel-attending dilemma from my point of view. Can you. Will you? Will you even Want to? Will you even bother to? Ask yourself- are you able to make that distinction between the rational without letting what goes on in your head cloud your judgement?
You can't. You won't. It is absurd!
This ties in very nicely with the main point of my post. I can never identify with a religion whose fundamental concept is that of believing in something that wills you to take sides. No one who looks at life in this manner can truly understand what i am feeling and how i see things. I will never come to an understanding with such a belief and i never will.
Can you imagine how hard it is to find someone who thinks like this as well?
Simple, yet hard to find.
Tales of the end of the world, Apocalypse and Armageddon are real. It has to be.
Because the irony is that the very people who drive this world to its extinction, by virtue of their actions, are the ones who predict that it will end. As it is called in hokkien- lam-pa-pa-lam.
Someday when i read this post i will smile at myself and ponder what it is that went through my mind at the moment of this post. This is the beauty of blogging. Posting something ensures that that moment, the experience, feeling and emotion of the moment is captured forever in one single rush of electronic text and colour. Indeed, now as it is, when i look back on past posts, i cannot help but feel a cliched 'warm fuzzy feeling' inside that stems from nostalgia.
This is the reason why i am not asleep. 2 am and the rain is falling.........
But inspiration keeps me up, and here i write. Basically this music video's title sums it up pretty nicely. It's a golden oldie from U2, one of the greatest rock bands to ever walk this earth.
Then what exactly am i looking for? Could it be this?
Maybe, perhaps, but that song pretty much describes a lot about what one might look for in a soulmate. Unlike other sappy love songs, the lyrics to this track amaze me by the depths of its description.
I guess in a way, what i am looking for is so simple, that it is something that is next to impossible. (Funny thing how the words simple and impossible rhyme) To me, it is nearly impossible to find someone who i guess, can really connect to me in a level that i would like. It does not help that two of the ones who i would really like to get to know better are a million miles away from me at this moment. I have said this to a close friend so many times that i am sick of it, and i shall say it for the last time here. I do not need a girlfriend. I do not need to be in a serious relationship. All i am looking for is someone who can understand me.
In a way i consider myself a failure in certain ways. I see this failure as a failure to communicate appropriately and to connect with people at a certain level. To put it crudely, those who actually give a shit are few, so few they are like diamonds. It does not have to be actually caring, but even small things like replying messages and emails count for 'giving a shit', i suppose. I guess, if i am not even worth a person's precious few seconds to have that person reply my message or e mail, then this speaks volumes about how that person really holds me in regard. And when people need help, i am there.
Reciprocation is something that should not be expected, this is a fact of life. What i look for, however, is something that is far lesser than reciprocation. It is respect. I seriously do not think those who i give a shit about respect me in a way that i would like. Yes. That i would like. Self centered thought, but i feel that if i actually bother about something for you, respect on an equal level is the very least that i should be entitled to.
Perhaps another reason why i feel that i am unable to connect with people is perhaps due to this thing called RELIGION. In all honesty, i feel that this is no small thing. Wars are fought over this. People die over this. Ironic considering that our beliefs are supposed to be things that bring us inner peace and tranquility. In 'On Liberty', Mill speaks about the importance of opinion and the dangers of prevailing opinion. Such prevailing sentiment is dangerous and places itself at odds with the individual. My stand is this- religion is something that interferes with human rationality. Seemingly benevolent actions, through the seemingly harmless advocation of religious doctrine, constitutes a forceful drive to impose alien views on another individual. I define this as actions that influence another individual by way of the spreading of doctrine or the spreading of beliefs in an indirect manner. This is more dangerous than interfering with the individual in a direct manner, as it involves an attack or intrusion into the very workings of a person's thought processes and psyche. Thus is anything safe from this oppression? Nothing is spared. With the rise of technology, by word of mouth, and the accumulation of economic strength, religion is in a very real position to influence us in ways that are constricting. The light at the end of the tunnel, perhaps, is how certain religions advocate qualities that teach us to become, overall better people. Spreading of doctrine for reasons other than teaching people how to be better people is absolute oppression. You are appealing to the religion, not to the person as an entity. Simply put, that whatever i believe is stronger than what you already believe, and therefore whatever i believe is justified to replace what you have in your head.
In secondary school, i had to attend chapel service even though i was not a christian. But muslims were exempted. To me this is an absurdity. What i infer from this is: You do not respect my religion as much as you respect Islam. The fundamental problem with this is that i had already MADE the rational choice to come to a christian school, and following their practices was something 'any good schoolboy' should have done. It was my choice to go to that school, it was not imposed on to me.
Or should have not. I was young and knew nothing.
Let me detract for a moment. If you are a christian and you have read the paragraphs above, then i can guess what you are thinking now. Take a step back from that thought and consider the chapel-attending dilemma from my point of view. Can you. Will you? Will you even Want to? Will you even bother to? Ask yourself- are you able to make that distinction between the rational without letting what goes on in your head cloud your judgement?
You can't. You won't. It is absurd!
This ties in very nicely with the main point of my post. I can never identify with a religion whose fundamental concept is that of believing in something that wills you to take sides. No one who looks at life in this manner can truly understand what i am feeling and how i see things. I will never come to an understanding with such a belief and i never will.
Can you imagine how hard it is to find someone who thinks like this as well?
Simple, yet hard to find.
Tales of the end of the world, Apocalypse and Armageddon are real. It has to be.
Because the irony is that the very people who drive this world to its extinction, by virtue of their actions, are the ones who predict that it will end. As it is called in hokkien- lam-pa-pa-lam.
Why I Changed Blogs
I bought a keychain a couple of years back. One of those with the date of your birth on it, that kind.
The kind that serve to tell you what typical traits are associated with your zodiac sign, or interesting events that happened on the day of your birth. Of the traits that were listed on the keychain, i agree with one of them- i am a totally nostalgic person.
I cant find that keychain any more.
The idea of a blog popped into my head years back during my junior college years. Back then, i saw it as an interesting way to convey my thoughts in public, for a public avenue where my thoughts could be read by a minimal audience. The human being is no solitary creature- we crave for attention much much more than we would admit. And so, i started happily on a blog, and ranted away. Apparently i might have said the wrong thing one too many times, because somehow after reading my blog, an old friend of mine has never looked at me the same way again. Which is sad, really, because we place so much face value on things that we do not understand.
Take for instance, that you read someone's posts on his blog. Sure, it might give you an insight into what goes on in that person's life, but then again, to base an opinion totally on what you read on a person's blog is an unfair and biased method of judgement. You read only what the author posts- everything you read has been crafted by the author: how can you be sure that what you are reading is the truth? Through the course of examining screen texts like Zhang Yimou's Hero and Kurosawa's Rashomon, i have learnt about the unreliability of narration. In a way a blog mirrors the themes brought out in these films. By reading the posts one puts up, it is inevitable that you will base your opinions of the writer on what he/she is writing. In other words, you will subconsciously link author and post together. Once such a link is established, it is therefore difficult to detract from that impression, and what you read will be what forms your opinion of that person. Therefore, if, by reading this blog, you think that you understand me, that is far far away from the truth.
Back to the topic of blogs- the second blog i set up was an attempt at pretty much the same purpose, except i began to experiment with creativity. It can be said that blogging kick started my creative juices and ignited in me a fire for creative expression, in the form of short prose and poetry. I would carve out simple love poems at first, spewing out sappy haiku after cliched sappy poetry. It is only in recent years that i have begun to experiment with different styles of writing, by using markedly dissimilar techniques in my poetry and prose. It is this aspect of creativity that i have to thank Blogger for. All this was not to last, though, when disaster struck.
I have had two relationships end on sour notes, and i must say the experience has left me shaken. Both did not end on an amicable note, and perhaps one day i will blog about them. It was the end of the second, and my latest relationship, that made me create a new blog, to symbolise a new start to a new life. Indeed, in that relationship, and its subsequent failure, i have learnt much that even now, i apply to my life. I have never forgiven my ex-girlfriend, and this grudge is something i have sworn to carry with me for the rest of my life. Like shock treatment, this painful memory is something i choose to carry to serve as a deterrent, as a warning to me. I can say that, as far as treating members of the opposite sex is concerned, i have generally been civil and i treat women with the utmost respect. But this ex girlfriend is beyond respect. She is the only female whom i have ever insulted directly, with genuine vehemence and spite. She has had the fortune of enduring a verbal barrage from me, and considering the person i once was, that must have been an unpleasant experience. I do not what to repeat the experience, and i hope i never will.
I am digressing again!
The latest change of my blog, occurred when i left for Perth. Back then i saw my blog as a window by which my family back home in Singapore could have into my life, because, i blog much more than i send out e mails or call home. I cannot exactly call it an exploitation or misuse, but perhaps it was due to my own failure at foresight that drove me to create a new blog. I was visibly shocked when i was told by a member of my family to censor my posts as there were many of my cousins who read my blog back then. Call it fate, but at the very same time that this censorship request was made, i so happened to visit a Buddhist temple here in Perth. Call it fate that my eyes chanced upon a booklet on Karma in the temple. I took it back and read it, and i came the the realisation that many of my actions had dire consequences. It was after that that i made a silent oath to change, to drop the profanities. As sure as a leopard cannot change his spots, i found doing it difficult, and in all honesty i am still struggling to keep this side of my personality inside. As such i stopped using profanities when blogging, and i have tried as far as i can to limit the use of verbal abuse.
Of course, it was not censorship that made me uncomfortable, but the fact that my blog address had spread to so many of my cousins that the idea itself was rather ridiculous. A "mickey mouse club", i told one of my friends, deadpanning. Which comes in conflict with the very idea of a blog, that it should be something public, and for most to see. Still, a part of me feels that these individuals are not ready to accept my blog on a level that is befitting of a mature individual.
Maturity is something that comes as a term that, in a conversational context, contains very self-centered and presumptuous connotations. Comments on maturity, in conversations, usually elicit contempt and cynicism towards the person who makes the comment.
An example from a spoken conversation:
Mr A: " Boy he sure is childish for playing with that yo-yo!"
Mr B: " So, do you think that you are very mature?"
Of course, a counter argument, which is probably something that might have crossed you mind if you are reading this post, is this- what makes me so sure that i am mature enough to make such a judgement? That certain individuals are not mature enough to read this blog?
The answer is simple. Common knowledge.
These kid cousins i refer to are much younger than i am. At the very least, four years. This means that i have at least four years ahead of most of these kids, and this counts for a lot. I have seen things and experienced things that none of these children can comprehend or understand. Think of it as a comparison between two individuals- a child at birth, and a four year old. These two individuals are at different stages of development as human beings, and as such there is a marked difference in the intellect and experience of both individuals. Therefore i liken to use the same rationality to me and my kid cousins. It is the same. I don't assume that i know more and i have experienced more- it is a FACT to me, it is KNOWN to me.
But this wont last for long. I guess these kids will, eventually, catch up with me as far as maturity is concerned. But for now, to me they are still infants, and are unable to deal with the things i bring up here on my blog with adequate respect that is befitting a reader. This is the reason why i changed the blog address- blogger does not have a password function to add to their blogs. So i had no choice but to change a new blog.
But i am thankful for it. Life is beautiful in the sense that it is like a two sided coin. We spend much of our lives betting on heads, but fail to reach the understanding that without the presence of the tail side of the coin, there would be no coin at all. In other words, it is the very experience of failure and the setbacks in life that make it worth living, because it is through these that make us stronger.
The kind that serve to tell you what typical traits are associated with your zodiac sign, or interesting events that happened on the day of your birth. Of the traits that were listed on the keychain, i agree with one of them- i am a totally nostalgic person.
I cant find that keychain any more.
The idea of a blog popped into my head years back during my junior college years. Back then, i saw it as an interesting way to convey my thoughts in public, for a public avenue where my thoughts could be read by a minimal audience. The human being is no solitary creature- we crave for attention much much more than we would admit. And so, i started happily on a blog, and ranted away. Apparently i might have said the wrong thing one too many times, because somehow after reading my blog, an old friend of mine has never looked at me the same way again. Which is sad, really, because we place so much face value on things that we do not understand.
Take for instance, that you read someone's posts on his blog. Sure, it might give you an insight into what goes on in that person's life, but then again, to base an opinion totally on what you read on a person's blog is an unfair and biased method of judgement. You read only what the author posts- everything you read has been crafted by the author: how can you be sure that what you are reading is the truth? Through the course of examining screen texts like Zhang Yimou's Hero and Kurosawa's Rashomon, i have learnt about the unreliability of narration. In a way a blog mirrors the themes brought out in these films. By reading the posts one puts up, it is inevitable that you will base your opinions of the writer on what he/she is writing. In other words, you will subconsciously link author and post together. Once such a link is established, it is therefore difficult to detract from that impression, and what you read will be what forms your opinion of that person. Therefore, if, by reading this blog, you think that you understand me, that is far far away from the truth.
Back to the topic of blogs- the second blog i set up was an attempt at pretty much the same purpose, except i began to experiment with creativity. It can be said that blogging kick started my creative juices and ignited in me a fire for creative expression, in the form of short prose and poetry. I would carve out simple love poems at first, spewing out sappy haiku after cliched sappy poetry. It is only in recent years that i have begun to experiment with different styles of writing, by using markedly dissimilar techniques in my poetry and prose. It is this aspect of creativity that i have to thank Blogger for. All this was not to last, though, when disaster struck.
I have had two relationships end on sour notes, and i must say the experience has left me shaken. Both did not end on an amicable note, and perhaps one day i will blog about them. It was the end of the second, and my latest relationship, that made me create a new blog, to symbolise a new start to a new life. Indeed, in that relationship, and its subsequent failure, i have learnt much that even now, i apply to my life. I have never forgiven my ex-girlfriend, and this grudge is something i have sworn to carry with me for the rest of my life. Like shock treatment, this painful memory is something i choose to carry to serve as a deterrent, as a warning to me. I can say that, as far as treating members of the opposite sex is concerned, i have generally been civil and i treat women with the utmost respect. But this ex girlfriend is beyond respect. She is the only female whom i have ever insulted directly, with genuine vehemence and spite. She has had the fortune of enduring a verbal barrage from me, and considering the person i once was, that must have been an unpleasant experience. I do not what to repeat the experience, and i hope i never will.
I am digressing again!
The latest change of my blog, occurred when i left for Perth. Back then i saw my blog as a window by which my family back home in Singapore could have into my life, because, i blog much more than i send out e mails or call home. I cannot exactly call it an exploitation or misuse, but perhaps it was due to my own failure at foresight that drove me to create a new blog. I was visibly shocked when i was told by a member of my family to censor my posts as there were many of my cousins who read my blog back then. Call it fate, but at the very same time that this censorship request was made, i so happened to visit a Buddhist temple here in Perth. Call it fate that my eyes chanced upon a booklet on Karma in the temple. I took it back and read it, and i came the the realisation that many of my actions had dire consequences. It was after that that i made a silent oath to change, to drop the profanities. As sure as a leopard cannot change his spots, i found doing it difficult, and in all honesty i am still struggling to keep this side of my personality inside. As such i stopped using profanities when blogging, and i have tried as far as i can to limit the use of verbal abuse.
Of course, it was not censorship that made me uncomfortable, but the fact that my blog address had spread to so many of my cousins that the idea itself was rather ridiculous. A "mickey mouse club", i told one of my friends, deadpanning. Which comes in conflict with the very idea of a blog, that it should be something public, and for most to see. Still, a part of me feels that these individuals are not ready to accept my blog on a level that is befitting of a mature individual.
Maturity is something that comes as a term that, in a conversational context, contains very self-centered and presumptuous connotations. Comments on maturity, in conversations, usually elicit contempt and cynicism towards the person who makes the comment.
An example from a spoken conversation:
Mr A: " Boy he sure is childish for playing with that yo-yo!"
Mr B: " So, do you think that you are very mature?"
Of course, a counter argument, which is probably something that might have crossed you mind if you are reading this post, is this- what makes me so sure that i am mature enough to make such a judgement? That certain individuals are not mature enough to read this blog?
The answer is simple. Common knowledge.
These kid cousins i refer to are much younger than i am. At the very least, four years. This means that i have at least four years ahead of most of these kids, and this counts for a lot. I have seen things and experienced things that none of these children can comprehend or understand. Think of it as a comparison between two individuals- a child at birth, and a four year old. These two individuals are at different stages of development as human beings, and as such there is a marked difference in the intellect and experience of both individuals. Therefore i liken to use the same rationality to me and my kid cousins. It is the same. I don't assume that i know more and i have experienced more- it is a FACT to me, it is KNOWN to me.
But this wont last for long. I guess these kids will, eventually, catch up with me as far as maturity is concerned. But for now, to me they are still infants, and are unable to deal with the things i bring up here on my blog with adequate respect that is befitting a reader. This is the reason why i changed the blog address- blogger does not have a password function to add to their blogs. So i had no choice but to change a new blog.
But i am thankful for it. Life is beautiful in the sense that it is like a two sided coin. We spend much of our lives betting on heads, but fail to reach the understanding that without the presence of the tail side of the coin, there would be no coin at all. In other words, it is the very experience of failure and the setbacks in life that make it worth living, because it is through these that make us stronger.
This is the first post! And so i shall strive to make this blog sound as nice and as peachy keen as i possibly can. Which implies a reduction in the endless streams of profanities and insults that until now, are as much a part of my personality as is drawing my every breath. Which i find really sad, as this is not an aspect that is not exactly deserving of recognition or praise. But as cliched as it is, there is always room for improvement and learning.
In a way writing a new blog serves a secondary purpose. In keeping a style that is consistent and coherent, instead of just simple ramblings and mutterings, a constant style is also beneficial to style and everyday writing. Which reminds me of my age. It is time to act in accordance to my years.
So this kicks of a new beginning! While i was apprehensive of the very thought of starting anew, i relish the fact that it also serves a good purpose, in many ways.
In a way writing a new blog serves a secondary purpose. In keeping a style that is consistent and coherent, instead of just simple ramblings and mutterings, a constant style is also beneficial to style and everyday writing. Which reminds me of my age. It is time to act in accordance to my years.
So this kicks of a new beginning! While i was apprehensive of the very thought of starting anew, i relish the fact that it also serves a good purpose, in many ways.
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